Stolen (2012): Please, Movie, Catch Your Breath [Joey’s Review]
There’s a frantic pace that STOLEN feels the need to keep up, even in situations that doesn’t call for it. In the film’s final action sequence, for instance, so many crazy things happen in the span of 15 seconds that it makes you wonder why they even bother at all. In just a few seconds, the main villain dumps gasoline on a car, lights a flare, gets charged by Cage, shoots Cage in the gut, gets tackled by Cage, gets beaten and left for dead, sees Cage drive a flaming car into a lake, sees Cage rescue his daughter from the car’s trunk, dives in after Cage, attacks Cage, gets stabbed by Cage, and gets put into the car’s trunk as it sinks.
That seriously takes no more than 90 seconds, if that. It’s crazy. But why? Why rush it? Why not have a big action scene here? Why feel the need to hurry through this showdown we’ve literally been waiting all movie for? It makes no sense.
But that’s the movie we have! And, as such, it’s a lot of fun. Don’t get me wrong — it’s not good. It’s illogical and goofy and a major offender in terms of the Diane Kruger Effect. (Oh, Malin Akerman… your characters should always be allowed to talk.) But past all that nonsense is a “thriller” that never takes its foot off the gas and is too busy throwing things in your face to worry about logic or internal consistency. And for that, I salute you, Stolen.
Among Cage’s straight-to-DVD (or seemingly straight-to-DVD) oeuvre, Stolen is one of the most fun movies. I think SEEKING JUSTICE is better, and I think TRESPASS is crazier, but if you’re looking for a movie that’s enjoyable to watch (as long as you turn off your brain), you could do worse than Stolen. Plus, we’re back in NOLA (“Who dat?!”), so that’s a good thing; Cage movies just seem to click well when they’re in New Orleans.
How can I watch it? It’s on Netflix!
What’s up next? We’re going way, way, way back… with THE CROODS!