“the driver opens the side door of the van and retrieves your suitcase from the rear. you tip him in u.s. dollars because it’s all you have. you took out $300 at miami international because you’ve learned from your travels to countries like cuba and argentina how valuable it can be to have u.s. cash. you tip the driver with a twenty-dollar bill. later, you will wonder if this was your initial mistake.”
“calmly, calmly. you were quite calm three nights ago when you told her that it was intolerable, you could stand it no longer, you were being pushed into insanity, and the only way out was to kill either her or yourself or both. the words were violent enough, but you were quite calm. it didn’t faze her; nothing would, except this. what did she say? something about your being excited over nothing!”
“you ask: why is the malady of death fatal? she answers: because whoever has it doesn’t know he’s a carrier, of death. and also because he’s like to die without any life to die to, and without even knowing that’s what he’s doing.”
“your life was a hypothesis. those who die old are made of the past. thinking of them, one thinks of what they have done. thinking of you, one thinks of what you could have become. you were, and you will remain, made up of possibilities. your suicide was the most important thing you ever said, but you’ll never be able to enjoy the fruits of this labor.”
“you are not the kind of guy who would be at a place like this at this time of the morning. but here you are, and you cannot say that the terrain is entirely unfamiliar, although the details are fuzzy. you are at a nightclub talking to a girl with a shaved head.”
“you are about to begin reading italo calvino’s new novel, if on a winter’s night a traveler. relax. concentrate. dispel every other thought. let the world around you fade. best to close the door; the tv is always on in the next room. tell the others right away, “no, i don’t want to watch tv!” raise your voice—they won’t hear you otherwise—“i’m reading! i don’t want to be disturbed!” maybe they haven’t heard you, with all that racket; speak louder, yell: “i’m beginning to read italo calvino’s new novel!” or if you prefer, don’t say anything; just hope they’ll leave you alone.”