Joe Two prefers life in a shroud of semi-anonymity to hide his debaucherous lifestyle from the world… or, at least to make it a bit more difficult to find out who he truly is. When not abusing airline mile systems to fund nearly cost-free ventures around the U.S. to get beer — or nearly cost-free ventures around the world to drink beer — Joe is likely watching a Lifetime movie or telling you that you should watch more Lifetime movies. One of the internet’s foremost thought leaders on all things Zac Efron, Joe is Jack Daniels’ bottom bitch and would rather be BBQing. A candy gremlin, his favorite holiday is the day after Valentine’s Day. Shoutout Rachel.