Guarding Tess (1994) : 1st Lady’s Man [Mike’s Review]

Today on Cage Club we protect the former First Lady with “Guarding Tess”. Are we officially back into Comedy Cage territory ? I’m not quite sure, it’s hard to tell. Where as Deadfall was a drama that played more on the funny side, this is a comedy that unravels more like a  drama. I never really engaged with this film as I found it struggles to define itself. There are a bunch of tonal shifts that challenged my attention span, with a super dramatic swing in tone during the climax. While the movie tries to play it light there are many moments that clash with the comedic aesthetic the movie tries to establish. It felt like there were a few version of this movie and the powers that be couldn’t decide on a cohesive final product.

Cage plays Special Agent Doug, a member of the Secret Service assigned to guard the former 1st Lady, Tess Carlyle. Doug is pretty resentful his talents are wasted on a boring assignment. He is at constant odds with Tess who is a grumpy shut in, in the eyes of her employees, which aside from the Agents include a personal Chef, Gardener and Chauffeur. This has all the ingredients of a comedy waiting to happen and yet, I don’t find myself laughing. The material feels flat and isn’t really filmed much like a comedy, it’s kinda dreary in fact. A family comedy like this needs more cheerful music and brighter colors, not this drab setting we’re confined to. The Chef and Gardener are completely wasted as are the other Agents, essentially regulated to background characters. There is no “Chekhov’s gun”, that is, no joke, object or situation felt properly set up in order to matter or mean something towards the end of the film. No call backs in a comedy ? I was feeling real tension between Doug and Tess instead of light hearted arguing. There never seemed to be any clear “running clock” or “McGuffin” to motivate the plot and advance the story. It’s more like slices of Doug’s life over the course of his days guarding Tess. What bothers me is there are clear opportunities for genuine comedy and even moments to tug some heartstrings. There is a sequence of Tess trying to food shop with her Agents, incognito, and it works. It feels like the comedy trying to break through. It’s not nearly this funny when they go to the Opera in the 1st act, why? Doug hates the Opera ( unlike Ronny Cammareri ) and that is never played for effect, instead Tess falls asleep? There’s hints that Tess may be sick and later we find out she actually has a Brain Tumor, not funny!!!! Come, on. Drop the scene where Tess’ embarrassment of a Son crawls home to ask her to endorse his shady business deal and go to Six Flags with Doug and the Chef and the Gardener instead. Man, just thinking about it now, I would love to see Nic Cage on a rollercoaster. I can just imagine his facial expressions ! Why not make the Son a great guy with a family that visits and reconciles with Tess instead in one of those scenes that remind us that time is precious and to spend it with our loved ones while we can. I just sensed too many missed opportunities here.

I feel like the film really drops the ball in the 3rd act when Tess is actually kidnapped, for real. This happens out of nowhere but at least it breaks up the melancholy. At this point Tess and Doug like each other just when she reveals her brain may have that tumor. Then, her chauffeur kid naps her with his relatives for $15Million. There is truly nothing to provoke this, the chauffeur and Tess are set up to be best of friends. If anyone has cause to kid nap Tess, it’s Doug for the (verbally abusive) way she treats him. This movie becomes a total crime procedural like The Fugitive. Doug is pushed aside but continues his own investigation leading to the rescue of Tess. There is nothing “light” about this ending here, it’s seriously full on Silence of the Lambs type shit. The 1st lady is buried alive in a Texas Chainsaw type abandoned farm in the middle of nowhere. Oh, and how did Doug find her? Well, after suspecting the chauffeur was in on it he tortures the guy into submission, shooting off a toe in the process. Awesome, great if it was in another movie, but not this movie. It feels real and not (intentionally) funny. Man, this director is seriously schizo. In the end I did wonder if he tried to cut this movie several different ways and finally threw up his hands because he couldn’t settle. It feels like there is a comedy in there somewhere and that there is a crime drama in there too somewhere, but not both at the same time, because then nothing comes through clear. In the end, much like Doug, this is not what I was expecting when joining the Secret Service.

I would have loved this to be an action thriller with Nic Cage called in to rescue the 1st Lady from a disgruntled employee, but alas, Guarding Tess is not that movie. I’m still not sure what kind of film this is, exactly. Better lick next time on Cage Club with a more family friendly affair. It’s Nic Cage’s very first PG movie on cage Club, and the first to be based on a true story. Join us next time for “It Could Happen To You” !!!

Mike

@the_mikestir